What is cyberbullying, exactly?

"Cyberbullying" is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. It has to have a minor on both sides, or at least have been instigated by a minor against another minor. Once adults become involved, it is plain and simple cyber-harassment or cyberstalking. Adult cyber-harassment or cyberstalking is NEVER called cyberbullying.

It isn't when adult are trying to lure children into offline meetings, that is called sexual exploitation or luring by a sexual predator. But sometimes when a minor starts a cyberbullying campaign it involves sexual predators who are intrigued by the sexual harassment or even ads posted by the cyberbullying offering up the victim for sex.

The methods used are limited only by the child's imagination and access to technology. And the cyberbully one moment may become the victim the next. The kids often change roles, going from victim to bully and back again.

Children have killed each other and committed suicide after having been involved in a cyberbullying incident.

Cyberbullying is usually not a one time communication, unless it involves a death threat or a credible threat of serious bodily harm. Kids usually know it when they see it, while parents may be more worried about the lewd language used by the kids than the hurtful effect of rude and embarrassing posts.

Cyberbullying may arise to the level of a misdemeanor cyberharassment charge, or if the child is young enough may result in the charge of juvenile delinquency. Most of the time the cyberbullying does not go that far, although parents often try and pursue criminal charges. It typically can result in a child losing their ISP or IM accounts as a terms of service violation. And in some cases, if hacking or password and identity theft is involved, can be a serious criminal matter under state and federal law.

When schools try and get involved by disciplining the student for cyberbullying actions that took place off-campus and outside of school hours, they are often sued for exceeding their authority and violating the student's free speech right. They also, often lose. Schools can be very effective brokers in working with the parents to stop and remedy cyberbullying situations. They can also educate the students on cyberethics and the law. If schools are creative, they can sometimes avoid the claim that their actions exceeded their legal authority for off-campus cyberbullying actions. We recommend that a provision is added to the school's acceptable use policy reserving the right to discipline the student for actions taken off-campus if they are intended to have an effect on a student or they adversely affect the safety and well-being of student while in school. This makes it a contractual, not a constitutional, issue.

How cyberbullying works

There are two kinds of cyberbullying, direct attacks (messages sent to your kids directly) and cyberbullying by proxy (using others to help cyberbully the victim, either with or without the accomplice's knowledge). Because cyberbullying by proxy often gets adults involved in the harassment, it is much more dangerous.

Direct Attacks
1. Instant Messaging/Text Messaging Harassment
2. Stealing Passwords
3. Blogs
4. Web Sites
5. Sending Pictures through E-mail and Cell Phones
6. Internet Polling
7. Interactive Gaming
8. Sending Malicious Code
9. Sending Porn and Other Junk E-Mail and IMs
10. Impersonation

1. Instant Messaging/Text Messaging Harassment

a) Kids may send hateful or threatening messages to other kids, without realizing that while not said in real life, unkind or threatening messages are hurtful and very serious.

b) Warning wars - Many Internet Service Providers offer a way of "telling on" a user who is saying inappropriate things. Kids often engage in "warning wars" which can lead to kicking someone offline for a period of time. While this should be a security tool, kids sometimes use the Warn button as a game or prank.

c) A kid/teen may create a screenname that is very similar to another kid's name. The name may have an additional "i" or one less "e". They may use this name to say inappropriate things to other users while posing as the other person.
d) Text wars or text attacks are when kids gang up on the victim, sending thousands of text-messages to the victims cell phone or other mobile device. The victim is then faced with a huge cell phone bill and angry parents.
e) Kids send death threats using IM and text-messaging as well as photos/videos (see below)

2. Stealing passwords

a) A kid may steal another child's password and begin to chat with other people, pretending to be the other kid. He/she may say mean things that offend and anger this person's friends or even strangers. Meanwhile, they won't know it is not really that person they are talking to.

b) A kid may also use another kid's password to change his/her profile to include sexual, racist, and inappropriate things that may attract unwanted attention or offend people.
c) A kid often steals the password and locks the victim out of their own account.
d) Once the password is stolen, hackers may use it to hack into the victim's computer.

3. Blogs

Blogs are online journals. They are a fun way for kids and teens to messages for all of their friends to see. However, kids sometimes use these blogs to damage other kids' reputations or invade their privacy. For example, in one case, a boy posted a bunch of blogs about his breakup with his ex-girlfriend, explaining how she destroyed his life, calling her degrading names. Their mutual friends read about this and criticized her. She was embarrassed and hurt all because another kid posted mean, private, and false information about her. Sometimes kids set up a blog or profile page pretending to be their victim and saying things designed to humiliate them.

4. Web sites

a) Children used to tease each other in the playground; now they do it on Web sites. Kids sometimes create Web sites that may insult or endanger another child. They create pages specifically designed to insult another kid or group of people.

b) Kids also post other kids' personal information and pictures, which put those people at a greater risk of being contacted or found.

5. Sending Pictures through E-mail and Cell Phones

a) There have been cases of teens sending mass e-mails to other users, that include nude or degrading pictures of other teens. Once an e-mail like this is sent, it is passed around to hundreds of other people within hours; there is no way of controlling where it goes.

b) Many of the newer cell phones allow kids to send pictures to each other. The kids receive the pictures directly on their phones, and may send it to everyone in their address books. After viewing the picture at a Web site, some kids have actually posted these often pornographic pictures on Kazaa and other programs for anyone to download.
c) Kids often take a picture of someone in a locker room, bathroom or dressing room and post it online or send it to others on cell phones.

6. Internet Polling

Who's Hot? Who's Not? Who is the biggest slut in the sixth grade? These types of questions run rampant on the Internet polls, all created by yours truly - kids and teens. Such questions are often very offensive to others and are yet another way that kids can "bully" other kids online.

7. Interactive Gaming

Many kids today are playing interactive games on gaming devices such as X-Box Live and Sony Play Station 2 Network. These gaming devices allow your child to communicate by chat and live Internet phone with anyone they find themselves matched with in a game online. Sometimes the kids verbally abuse the other kids, using threats and lewd language. Sometimes they take it further, by locking them out of games, passing false rumors about them or hacking into their accounts.

8. Sending Malicious Code

Many kids will send viruses, spyware and hacking programs to their victims. They do this to either destroy their computers or spy on their victim. Trojan Horse programs allow the cyberbully to control their victim's computer remote control, and can be used to erase the hard drive of the victim.

9. Sending Porn and Other Junk E-Mail and IMs

Often cyberbullies will sign their victims up for e-mailing and IM marketing lists, lots of them, especially to porn sites. When the victim receives thousands of e-mails from pornographers their parents usually get involved, either blaming them (assuming they have been visiting porn sites) or making them change their e-mail or IM address.

10. Impersonation

Posing as the victim, the cyberbully can do considerable damage . They may post a provocative message in a hate group's chatroom posing as the victim, inviting an attack against the victim, often giving the name, address and telephone number of the victim to make the hate group's job easier. They often also send a message to someone posing as the victim, saying hateful or threatening things while masquerading as the victim. They may also alter a message really from the victim, making it appear that they have said nasty things or shared secrets with others.

Cyberbullying by proxy

Cyberbullying by proxy is when a cyberbully gets someone else to do their dirty work. Most of the time they are unwitting accomplices and don't know that they are being used by the cyberbully. Cyberbullying by proxy is the most dangerous kind of cyberbullying because it often gets adults involve in the harassment and people who don't know they are dealing with a kid or someone they know.

"Warning" or "Notify Wars" are an example of cyberbullying by proxy. Kids click on the warning or notify buttons on their IM screen or e-mail or chat screens, and alert the ISP or service provider that the victim has done something that violates their rules.If the victim receives enough warnings or notifications, they can lose their account. The service providers are aware of this abuse, and often check and see if the warning were justified. But all the cyberbully has to do is make the victim angry enough to say something rude or hateful back. Then, BINGO! they warn them, making it look like the victim had started it. In this case, the ISP or service provider is the innocent accomplice of the cyberbully.
Sometimes the victim's own parents are too. If the cyberbully can make it look like the victim is doing something wrong, and the parents are notified, the parents will punish the victim. Alyssa, one of our Teenangels, had this happen to her. To learn more about her cyberbullying problem, read Alyssa's story.

Cyberbullying by proxy sometimes starts with the cyberbully posing as the victim. They may have hacked into their account or stolen their password. They may have set up a new account pretending to be the victim. But however they do it, they are pretending to be the victim and trying to create problems for the victim with the help of others.
The most typical way a cyberbullying by proxy attack occurs is when the cyberbully gets control of the victim's account and sends out hateful or rude messages to everyone on their buddy list pretending to be the victim. They may also change the victim's password so they can't get into their own account. The victim's friends get angry with the victim, thinking they had sent the messages without knowing they have been used by the cyberbully. But it's not always this minor. Sometimes the cyberbully tries to get more people involved.
For example...Mary wants to get Jennifer back for not inviting her to her party. She goes online and, posing as Jennifer, posts "I hate Brittany, she is so stupid, ugly and fat!" on buddyprofile.com. Mary may tell Brittany and her friends that she read the post on buddyprofile.com and blames Jennifer for being mean. Brittany and her friends now start attacking Jennifer, and may report her to buddyprofile.com or her school. They are doing Mary's dirty work for her. Mary looks like the "good guy" and Jennifer may be punished by her parents, lose her account with buddyprofile.com and get into trouble at school. And Brittany and her friends may start to cyberbully Jennifer too.

Sometimes it is much more serious than that. When cyberbullies want to get others to do their dirty work quickly, they often post information about, or pose as, their victim in hate group chat rooms and on their discussion boards. Cyberbullies have even posted this information in child molester chat rooms and discussion boards, advertising their victim for sex. They then sit back and wait for the members of that hate group or child molester group to attack or contact the victim online and, sometimes, offline.

For this to work, the cyberbully needs to post offline or online contact information about the victim. Real information, not the account they used to impersonate the victim (if they are posing as the victim to provoke an attack). For example...Jack is angry that Blake was chose as captain of the junior varsity basketball team. Blake is black. Jack finds a white supremist group online and posts in their chat room that Blake said nasty things about whites and their group in particular. He then posts Blake's cell phone number and screen name. People from the group start calling and IMing Blake with threats and hateful messages. Jack has no idea how much danger he has placed Blake in, and Blake doesn't know why he in under attack. In cases of cyberbullying by proxy, when hate or child molester groups are involved, they victim is in danger of physical harm and law enforcement must be contacted immediately.

Can you think of examples of cyberbullying by proxy? Share them with us and other kids, preteens and teens here at the site. We'll never use your name or personally identifying information, share it with others or bother you. Read our privacy policy to know how we use your information. You should always read a privacy policy before submitting anything to anywhere online.

Why do kids cyberbully each other?

Who knows why kids do anything? When it comes to cyberbullying, they are often motivated by anger, revenge or frustration. Sometimes they do it for entertainment or because they are bored and have too much time on their hands and too many tech toys available to them. Many do it for laughs or to get a reaction. Some do it by accident, and either send a message to the wrong recipient or didn't think before they did something. The Power-hungry do it to torment others and for their ego. Revenge of the Nerd may start out defending themselves from traditional bullying only to find that they enjoy being the tough guy or gal. Mean girls do it to help bolster or remind people of their own social standing. And some think they are righting wrong and standing up for others.
Because their motives differ, the solutions and responses to each type of cyberbullying incident has to differ too. Unfortunately, there is no "one size fits all" when cyberbullying is concerned. Only two of the types of cyberbullies have something in common with the traditional schoolyard bully. Experts who understand schoolyard bullying often misunderstand cyberbullying, thinking it is just another method of bullying. But the motives and the nature of cybercommunications, as well as the demographic and profile of a cyberbully differ from their offline counterpart.

What methods work with the different kinds of cyberbullies?

The four types of cyberbullies include:

The Vengeful Angel
The Power-Hungry or Revenge of the Nerds
The “Mean Girls”
The Inadvertent Cyberbully or “Because I Can”

Some methods of cyberbullying are unique to a certain kinds of cyberbullies. And so are the ways the cyberbully maintain their secrecy or broadcast their actions to others. Some are secretive, some require an audience and some are entirely inadvertent.
Because the motives differ from each type of cyberbully, the solutions need to address their special issues. There is no “one size fits all” when cyberbullying is concerned. But understanding more about why they cyberbully others will help. You have to address the motives. That’s why awareness campaigns need several different messages to address the problem.

“The Vengeful Angel”

In this type of cyberbullying, the cyberbully doesn’t see themselves as a bully at all. They see themselves as righting wrongs, or protecting themselves or others from the “bad guy” they are now victimizing. This includes situations when the victim of cyberbullying or offline bullying retaliates and becomes a cyberbully themselves They may be angry at something the victim did and feel they are taking warranted revenge or teaching the other a lesson. The “Vengeful Angel” cyberbully often gets involved trying to protect a friend who is being bullied or cyberbullied. They generally work alone, but may share their activities and motives with their close friends and others they perceive as being victimized by the person they are cyberbullying.

Vengeful Angels need to know that no one should try and take justice into their own hands. They need to understand that few things are clear enough to understand, and that fighting bullying with more bullying only makes things worse. They need to see themselves as bullies, not the do-gooder they think they are. It also helps to address the reasons they lashed out in the first place. If they sense injustices, maybe there really are injustices. Instead of just blaming the Vengeful Angel, solutions here also require that the situation be reviewed to see what can be done to address the underlying problem. S there a place to report bullying or cyberbullying? Can that be done anonymously? Is there a peer counseling group that handles these matters? What about parents and school administrators. Do they ignore bullying when it occurs, or do they take it seriously? The more methods we can give these kinds of cyberbullies to use official channels to right wrongs, the less often they will try to take justice into their own hands.

The “Power-Hungry” and “Revenge of the Nerds”

Just as their schoolyard counterparts, some cyberbullies want to exert their authority, show that they are powerful enough to make others do what they want and some want to control others with fear. Sometimes the kids want to hurt another kid. Sometimes they just don’t like the other kid. These are no different than the offline tough schoolyard bullies, except for their method. Power-Hungry” cyberbullies usually need an audience. It may be a small audience of their friends or those within their circle at school. Often the power they feel when only cyberbullying someone is not enough to feed their need to be seen as powerful and intimidating. They often brag about their actions. They want a reaction, and without one may escalate their activities to get one.

Interestingly enough, though, the “Power-Hungry” cyberbully is often the victim of typical offline bullying. They may be female, or physically smaller, the ones picked on for not being popular enough, or cool enough. They may have greater technical skills. Some people call this the “Revenge of the Nerds” cyberbullying. It is their intention to frighten or embarrass their victims. And they are empowered by the anonymity of the Internet and digital communications and the fact that they never have to confront their victim. They may act tough online, but are not tough in real life. They are often not a bullying but “just playing one on TV.”

Revenge of the Nerds cyberbullies usually target their victims one-on-one and the cyberbully often keeps their activities secret from their friends. If they share their actions, they are doing it only with others they feel would be sympathetic. The rarely appreciate the seriousness of their actions. They also often resort to cyberbullying-by-proxy. Because of this and their tech skills, they can be the most dangerous of all cyberbullies.

“Mean Girls”

The last type of cyberbullying occurs when the cyberbully is bored or looking for entertainment. It is largely ego-based and the most immature of all cyberbullying types. Typically, in the “Mean Girls” bullying situations, the cyberbullies are female. They may be bullying other girls (most frequently) or boys (less frequently).
“Mean Girls” cyberbullying is usually done, or at least planned, in a group, either virtually or together in one room. This kind of cyberbullying is done for entertainment. It may occur from a school library or a slumber party, or from the family room of someone after school. This kind of cyberbullying requires an audience. The cyberbullies in a “mean girls” situation want others to know who they are and that they have the power to cyberbully others. This kind of cyberbullying grows when fed by group admiration, cliques or by the silence of others who stand by and let it happen. It quickly dies if they don’t get the entertainment value they are seeking.

The Inadvertent Cyberbully

Inadvertent cyberbullies usually don’t think they are cyberbullies at all. They may be pretending to be tough online, or role playing, or they may be reacting to hateful or provocative messages they have received. Unlike the Revenge of the Nerds cyberbullies, they don’t lash out intentionally. They just respond without thinking about the consequences of their actions.
They may feel hurt, or angry because of a communication sent to them, or something they have seen online. And they tend to respond in anger or frustration. They don’t think before clicking “send.”
Sometimes, while experimenting in role-playing online, they may send cyberbullying communications or target someone without understanding how serious this could be. They do it for the heck of it “Because I Can.” They do it for the fun of it. They may also do it to one of their friends, joking around. But their friend may not recognize that it is another friend or make take it seriously. They tend to do this when alone, and are mostly surprised when someone accuses them of cyberabuse.
Preventing cyberbullying
Educating the kids about the consequences (losing their ISP or IM accounts) helps. Teaching them to respect others and to take a stand against bullying of all kinds helps too.

How can you stop it once it starts?
Because their motives differ, the solutions and responses to each type of cyberbullying incident has to differ too. Unfortunately, there is no "one size fits all" when cyberbullying is concerned. Only two of the types of cyberbullies have something in common with the traditional schoolyard bully. Experts who understand schoolyard bullying often misunderstand cyberbullying, thinking it is just another method of bullying. But the motives and the nature of cybercommunications, as well as the demographic and profile of a cyberbully differ from their offline counterpart.

What is the school's role in this?
When schools try and get involved by disciplining the student for cyberbullying actions that took place off-campus and outside of school hours, they are often sued for exceeding their authority and violating the student's free speech right. They also, often lose. Schools can be very effective brokers in working with the parents to stop and remedy cyberbullying situations. They can also educate the students on cyberethics and the law. If schools are creative, they can sometimes avoid the claim that their actions exceeded their legal authority for off-campus cyberbullying actions. We recommend that a provision is added to the school's acceptable use policy reserving the right to discipline the student for actions taken off-campus if they are intended to have an effect on a student or they adversely affect the safety and well-being of student while in school. This makes it a contractual, not a constitutional, issue.

What's the parents' role in this?
Parents need to be the one trusted place kids can go when things go wrong online and offline. Yet they often are the one place kids avoid when things go wrong online. Why? Parents tend to overreact. Most children will avoid telling their parents about a cyberbullying incident fearing they will only make things worse. (Calling the other parents, the school, blaming the victim or taking away Internet privileges.)Unfortunately, they also sometimes under react, and rarely get it "just right."(You can read more about this in "Not Too Hot, Not Too Cold! Goldilocks and the CyberParents")

Parents need to be supportive of your child during this time. You may be tempted to give the "stick and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you" lecture, but words and cyberattacks can wound a child easily and have a lasting effect. These attacks follow them into your otherwise safe home and wherever they go online. And when up to 700 million accomplices can be recruited to help target or humiliate your child, the risk of emotional pain is very real, and very serious. Don't brush it off.
Let the school know so the guidance counselor can keep an eye out for in-school bullying and for how your child is handling things. You may want to notify your pediatrician, family counselor or clergy for support if things progress. It is crucial that you are there to provide the necessary support and love. Make them feel secure. Children have committed suicide after having been cyberbullied, and in Japan one young girl killed another after a cyberbullying incident. Take it seriously.

Parents also need to understand that a child is just as likely to be a cyberbully as a victim of cyberbullying and often go back and forth between the two roles during one incident. They may not even realize that they are seen as a cyberbully. (You can learn more about this under the "Inadvertent Cyberbully" profile of a cyberbully.)

We have a quick guide to what to do if your child is being cyberbullied: Your actions have to escalate as the threat and hurt to your child does. But there are two things you must consider before anything else. Is your child at risk of physical harm or assault? And how are they handling the attacks emotionally?
If there is any indication that personal contact information has been posted online, or any threats are made to your child, you must run.do not walk, to your local law enforcement agency (not the FBI). Take a print-out of all instances of cyberbullying to show them, but note that a print-out is not sufficient to prove a case of cyber-harassment or cyberbullying. You'll need electronic evidence and live data for that. (You may want to answer the questions on our checklist for helping spot the difference between annoying communications and potentially dangerous ones. But remember, if in doubt, report it.)

Let the law enforcement agency know that the trained cyber-harassment volunteers at WiredSafety.org will work with them (without charge) to help them find the cyberbully offline and to evaluate the case. It is crucial that all electronic evidence is preserved to allow the person to be traced and to take whatever action needs to be taken. The electronic evidence is at risk for being deleted by the Internet service providers unless you reach out and notify them that you need those records preserved. The police or volunteers at WiredSafety.org can advise you how to do that quickly. Using a monitoring product, like Spectorsoft, collects all electronic data necessary to report, investigate and prosecute your case (if necessary). While hopefully you will never need it, the evidence is automatically saved by the software in a form useable by law enforcement when you need it without you having to learn to log or copy header and IP information.

Take a stand against cyberbullying

Education can help considerably in preventing and dealing with the consequences of cyberbullying. The first place to begin an education campaign is with the kids and teens themselves. We need to address ways they can become inadvertent cyberbullies, how to be accountable for their actions and not to stand by and allow bullying (in any form) to be acceptable. We need to teach them not to ignore the pain of others.

Teaching kids to “Take 5!” before responding to something they encounter online is a good place to start. Jokingly, we tell them to “Drop the Mouse! And step away from the computer and no one will get hurt!” We then encourage them to find ways to help them calm down. This may include doing yoga, or deep-breathing. It may include running, playing catch or shooting hoops. It may involve taking a bath, hugging a stuffed animal or talking on the phone with friends. Each child can find their own way of finding their center again. And if they do, they will often not become a cyberbully, even an inadvertent cyberbully. Teaching them the consequences of their actions, and that the real “Men in Black” may show up at their front door sometimes helps. Since many cyberbullying campaigns include some form of hacking or password or identity theft, serious laws are implicated. Law enforcement, including the FBI, might get involved in these cases.

But we need to recognize that few cyberbullying campaigns can succeed without the complacency and the often help of other kids. If we can help kids understand how much bullying hurts, how in many cases (unlike the children’s chant) words can hurt you, fewer may cooperate with the cyberbullies. They will think twice before forwarding a hurtful e-mail, or visiting a cyberbullying “vote for the fat girl” site, or allowing others to take videos or cell phone pictures of personal moments or compromising poses of others. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said that in the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. We need to teach our children not to stand silently by while others are being tormented. While it is crucial that we teach them not to take matters into their own hands (and perhaps become a "vengeful angel" cyberbully themselves) they need to come to us. And if we expect them to trust us, we need to be worthy of that trust. (Read more about this at "Goldilocks and the cyberbullies...not too hot and not too cold," a guide for parents.)

And, in addition to not lending their efforts to continue the cyberbullying, if given an anonymous method of reporting cyberbullying Web sites, profiles and campaigns, kids can help put an end to cyberbullying entirely. School administration, community groups and even school policing staff can receive these anonymous tips and take action quickly when necessary to shut down the site, profile or stop the cyberbullying itself.
They can even let others know that they won’t allow cyberbullying, supporting the victim, making it clear that they won’t be used to torment others and that they care about the feelings of others is key. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
We need to teach our children that silence, when others are being hurt, is not acceptable. If they don’t allow the cyberbullies to use them to embarrass or torment others, cyberbullying will quickly stop. It’s a tall task, but a noble goal. And in the end, our children will be safer online and offline. We will have helped create a generation of good cybercitizens, controlling the technology instead of being controlled by it.

Cyberbullying information for law enforcement
Telling the difference

It’s not always easy to tell these apart, except for serious cases of cyberstalking, when you “know it when you see it.” And the only difference between “cyberbullying” and cyber-harassment is the age of both the victim and the perpetrator. They both have to be under-age.

When you get a call, your first response people need to be able to tell when you need to get involved, and quickly, and when it may not be a matter for law enforcement. It might help to start by running through this checklist. If the communication is only a flame, you may not be able to do much about it. (Sometimes ISPs will consider this a terms of service violation.) But the closer it comes to real life threats the more likely you have to get involved as law enforcement. We recommend that law enforcement agents ask parents the following questions. Their answers will help guide you when to get involved and when to recommend another course of action.

The kind of threat:
The communication uses lewd language
The communication insults your child directly (“You are stupid!”)
The communication threatens your child vaguely (“I’m going to get you!”)
The communication threatens your child with bodily harm. (“I’m going to beat you up!”)
There is a general serious threat. (“There is a bomb in the school!” or “Don’t take the school bus today!”)
The communication threatens your child with serious bodily harm or death (“I am going to break your legs!” or “I am going to kill you!”)
The frequency of the threats:
It is a one-time communication
The communication is repeated in the same or different ways
The communications are increasing
Third-parties are joining in and communications are now being received from (what
appears to be) additional people
The source of the threats:
Your child knows who is doing this
Your child thinks they know who is doing this
Your child has no idea who is doing this
The messages appear to be from several different people
The nature of the threats:
Repeated e-mails or IMs
Following the child around online, into chat rooms, favorite Web sites, etc.
Building fake profiles, Web sites or posing as your child’s e-mail or IM
Planting statements to provoke third-party stalking and harassment
Signing your child up for porn sites and e-mailing lists and junk e-mail and IM.
Breaking in to their accounts online
Stealing or otherwise accessing their passwords
Posting images of the child online (taken from any source, including video and photo phones)
Posting real or doctored sexual images of the child online
Sharing personal information about the child
Sharing intimate information about the child (sexual, special problems, etc.)
Sharing contact information about the child coupled with a sexual solicitation (“for a good time call …” or “I am interested in [fill in the blank] sex…”)
Reporting the child for real or provoked terms of service violations (“notify wars” or “warning wars”)
Encouraging that others share their top ten “hit lists,” or ugly lists, or slut lists online and including your child on that list.
Posting and encouraging others to post nasty comments on your child’s blog.
Hacking your child’s computer and sending your child malicious codes.
Sending threats to others (like the president of the United States) or attacking others while posing as your child.
Copying others on your child’s private e-mail and IM communications.
Posting bad reviews or feedback on your child without cause.
Registering your child’s name and setting up a bash Web site or profile.
Posting rude or provocative comments while posing as your child (such as insulting racial minorities at a Web site devoted to that racial minority).
Sending spam or malware to others while posing as your child.
Breaking the rules of a Web site or service while posing as your child.
Setting up a vote for site (like “hot or not?”) designed to embarrass or humiliate your child.
Masquerading as your child for any purpose.
Posting your child’s text-messaging address or cell phone number online to encourage abuse and increase your child’s text-messaging or cell phone charges.
Launching a denial of service attack on your child’s Web site
Sending “jokes” about your child to others or mailing lists.

The more repeated the communications are, the greater the threats (or enlarging this to include third-parties) and the more dangerous the methods, the more likely law enforcement or legal process needs to be used. If personal contact information is being shared online, this must be treated very seriously.

If the child thinks they know who is doing this, that may either make this more serious, or less. But once third-parties are involved (hate groups, sexually-deviant groups, etc.) it makes no difference if the person who started this is a young seven year old doing it for a laugh. It escalates quickly and can be dangerous.

It’s best to work out relationships with the big ISPs in your area well before you need them. Find their offline contact information, including off hours. Learn how to track an IP address and preserve evidence. And make sure that you issue your subpoenas in the form they need, using your time zone for tracking the dynamic IP addresses of record. Many ISPs discard the subscriber/IP data after a week to thirty day period. So time is crucial. If you need to get your paperwork together, send them a quick note asking them to preserve the records pending your formal subpoena. They will usually do this on a less formal request on law enforcement letterhead.

Google yourself
No, we haven’t changed our policy on using inappropriate language. Google is the search engine and information gathering phenomenon that collects bits and pieces of information available online. Our kids have dubbed searching for yourself or others you have met, or want to meet, online as “Googling” someone.

As more and more of us are using the Internet to communicate and share our ideas, more and more of our personal information is posted online. Perhaps it’s a profile you put up years ago that still exists. Maybe you signed up for a free messaging service online and didn’t check the privacy box when the registration application was completed. On a bad day, you may have criticized your boss or your spouse or significant other. Had you checked Web sites for mortgage information or looked for a new home? Did you register at a Web site or post in a public forum? Have your kids? What are they sharing online with Web sites and in public with strangers? It’s time you found out for sure.

The ramifications of having your personal information posted online can be very serious. Just think about it. Is your telephone number listed in the United States and have you ever given it out online? If so, anyone who wants to can find out where you live and get a map to your front door. This holds true for your children as well. Even though laws exist in the United States to prevent Web site from knowingly collecting information from our preteens, they have learned how to get around the law by saying they are thirteen or fourteen, or twenty-seven. Who knows what they have given away online? As parents, we better know! And with identity theft growing by the minute, we need to guard our personal information carefully, online and off. Finally, at least one person was killed by a stalker who broadcast his intentions online, in advance of the murder. Had someone sought out her personal information postings online and known about the threat, her life might have been saved.

Okay, now you are convinced. You are ready to "Google" yourself and your family members (and perhaps your boyfriend or girlfriend or boss, and that neighbor you aren’t crazy about ). What do you do?

First you go to Google at http://www.google.com/. Type in your full name, but in quotes – like this “Parry Aftab.” Then click Google search. All the references to you, or someone else with the same name will come up. Search for your e-mail address or IM screen name as well (making sure to include the full e-mail address, such as parry@aftab.com parry [at] aftab.com , or ParryAftab@aol.com, not just the section before the “@” sign). Do the same with your nick name, and then your telephone numbers, mobile numbers and street address, remembering to keep the quotation marks around anything you need to find in one phrase, exactly as you typed it. Otherwise, the search engine will pick up every reference to “Parry” and to “Aftab” on the Web. Now Google your kids and their telephone numbers, e-mail addresses and IM screen names as well. (You may have to check with them for all their screen names and e-mail addresses.)
Next, you need to search for newsgroup postings about you or your loved ones. You can do that by clicking on “groups” above the search screen on Google. Newsgroups are part of the Internet, but separate from the Web. They are much older than the Web-friendly clickable content and where more aggressive and heated communications are often posted. (Note that getting anything removed from a newsgroup, is almost impossible unless there is a direct threat to your safety, or a child is involved. Even then, it is very difficult.)
Repeat the search, with your name in quotes, for images as well. This shows all images which are associated with your name online. The search selections of “news” and “directories” may not apply to people who are not public figures at some level. But it never hurts to search and see if you are mentioned.
If you find that your personal contact information appears when you don’t want it to appear, you can ask Google to disable the information. You would also need to reach out to the site or online service and ask for it to be removed from wherever it’s posted. It sounds a lot easier than it really is, though. Some sites don’t care about what is posted there, even if their terms of service prohibit certain personal information from being posted or used to harass someone. But finding a terms of service violation (TOS violation) is a good place to start. To check out whether the posting is a TOS violation, review the terms of service for the site or service. Does it prohibit the posting of any personal information of others without their permission? Does it prohibit posting of any personal information or inaccurate information? What about prohibiting posting of information intended to harass or embarrass someone or that might affect their safety or well-being? Sometimes the terms of service has a catch-all prohibition that can be used to remove anything the hosting company deems inappropriate. If you approach it from a safety and privacy perspective, this may be sufficient to convince them to remove the information. If all else fails, every terms of service has a prohibition against criminal or illegal activities. Depending on what information is being posted, you may be able to rely on that provision and a broad claim of “privacy law” violations to get some help.
Often it is difficult finding the right person to contact. You can start with the webmaster, and can usually find them at webmaster@[the Web site name/URL]. For example, contacting our webmaster by e-mail would be webmaster@wiredsafety.org webmaster [at] wiredsafety.org . There may also be a privacy contact at the site, or a DMCA contact (that’s a law that covers copyright violations and usually has someone watching those e-mails carefully). Your e-mail should include the URL of the page that includes your personal information. (The easiest way to do this without typos is to block and copy the URL from your browser itself into the e-mail.) It should also include the exact information you want removed, and a statement that you are that person. Copy and paste the information from the site directly into the e-mail. And address the e-mail to yourself as well, so you have a record of what you sent, when you sent it and to whom.
If you don’t hear back within a week, send a follow-up and include all of the information you had previously sent, as well as the date the earlier e-mail had been sent. If you still haven’t heard back within another week, e-mail privacy@wiredsafety.org privacy [at] wiredsafety.org .
If your children’s information is posted online, and they are under the age of thirteen, notify the Web site or online service that your children are under thirteen and that COPPA (the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act) requires that they remove the information immediately. If they don’t respond right away, contact privacy@wiredsafety.org privacy [at] wiredsafety.org or the FTC directly, at http://www.ftc.gov/. While there is no law requiring a Web site to generally remove your personal information (absent a privacy policy at the site that promises to do so, a legal requirement or a TOS violation discussed above), COPPA is very carefully enforced and the Web site MUST remove your child’s information. They may require that you prove you are the parent, but otherwise have no option but to remove the information, immediately.
But what if you have posted information about yourself, or others have done so for you, and it’s not accurate? You don’t mind that it’s posted, but you do mind that it’s not correct? That may be easier or harder to have corrected than having it removed entirely. Try using the same methods we suggested for having information removed, but also include the correct information in the e-mail. Sometimes it is easier to just have the information removed entirely, and repost it correctly. For some reason, the two-step process of both removing the old information and adding the updated and correct information is more than many Web sites can handle.
If you find a site that is designed to harass you or target you or your children for sexual solicitations or harassment, you need to get help immediately. Cyberstalkers and harassers often use the Internet to post sexual want ads for people they want to harm and frighten, and even the children of those they want to harm. The middle of the night hang-ups can sometimes be explained when you find a site like this, or a posting in a newsgroup making outrageous offers on your behalf. Law enforcement should be involved, if there is any link to real offline contact information. Contact your local law enforcement agency first. (Law enforcement can get help directly from WiredSafety’s law enforcement division, CyberLawEnforcement.org.) If they can’t help you, reach out to WiredSafety.org
It’s your privacy. Protect it!

Source: http://www.us-cert.gov/cas/tips/ST06-005.html
Dealing with Cyberbullies
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Source: http://www.internetsuperheroes.org/cyberbullying/
Internet Super Heroes – Delivering smart, safe, and responsible surfing messages to children, teens, schools and parents, online and offline.
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Source: http://www.netsmartz.org/resources/reallife.htm
Real-Life Stories – “Cyberbullying: Feathers in the Wind”
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You Tube Vids:
– Cyber Bullying Project
– Sarah’s Story about Cyber-Bullying
– Cyber Bullying
– Target 12 Child Watch – Cyber Bullying
– Anti-Cyber Bullying
– Cyberbullying Teen
– Cyber Bullying – What Do You Think?
– True Effects of Cyber Bullying 101
– What is Cyber-Bullying? How to Stop It
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Stop the Cyber Bullying - Myspace Profile
- Parry’s Guide to Cyberbullying
– SHAME on you Bebo